Substance Use

It can be very difficult to see someone who you care about struggle with their substance use. You may be unsure of what to do or say. Here are some helpful considerations as well as a variety of substance use related resources.

Approach the conversation from a place of care

• Ask for permission to speak to your friend about your concerns
  • This fosters a spirit of collaboration in the conversation.
• Be thoughtful about time and place
  • Avoid discussing your concerns while the person is under the influence of substances.
  • Generally, it is more helpful to talk with the person face-to-face in a private location to enhance communication.
• Highlight the value their friendship holds
  • Beginning with their value in your life may help reduce defensiveness and increase openness.
• Be mindful of your tone, language and biases
  • There can be a lot of stigma around substance misuse or dependence and using judgemental language creates barriers to open communication and help seeking.
  • Give your friend time and space to voice their feelings.
  • Show empathy and listen for understanding.
  • Refrain from making accusations or criticizing.

Maintain your own boundaries

• Recognize that you may feel hurt by this person’s past behaviors with substances. Be aware of these feelings going into the conversation.
• Remember, the goal of talking with your friend is to raise awareness about their relationship with substances and the impact it has on them and the people who care about them.
• Know that you can always choose to end the conversation if it becomes heated or unproductive and revisit it at a later time.
• Consider what limits you might set for your relationship with this friend moving forward, and remind them that you are available to talk in the future if they are interested.
• Don’t feel obligated to be available 24/7 or to act as a therapist.
• Supporting your friend can mean listening, asking non-judgmental questions, and helping them connect with professionals on and off campus for support.

Respect where they are in their journey

• Be prepared for a wide range of reactions and emotions from your friend when approaching this conversation.
  
• Don’t expect a dramatic shift in their thinking and behavior as a result of your conversation.
• Offer support and resources, but remember that it is up to the person to decide if they would like to seek help and when they take that step. Everyone’s path to wellness is different.

Use OARS to guide your conversation 

• The OARS model is a set of communication skills that can help your friend examine their needs as well as consider the ways in which they are willing to change and the ways in which they are not.
• If your friend appears to want to change some behaviors, help them define what exactly they would like to change and share available resources.
  • Open Ended Questions
    Examples:
    “I’ve noticed you’ve been using substances more when we go out. How have you been feeling about this?”
    “What are some of the reasons you find yourself continuing to use?”
    “What are some ways you have considered making a change?”
  • Affirm
    Examples:
    “I’m really glad you shared this with me, thank you for trusting me with your experience.”
    “It sounds like there are a lot of things you are thinking about. I’m here to talk.”
  • Reflective Listening
    Example:
    “It sounds like you are conflicted about making changes because, although you see a lot of drawbacks, sometimes you see some benefits with your substance use. Am I hearing you right?”
  • Summarizing
    Examples:
    “Since you’ve noticed some aspects you dislike about your substance use, I wonder if there are any changes that you might be willing to try? Maybe we can come up with a few ideas?”
    “It sounds like making a change in your substance use feels hard right now. If you ever think you’d like to talk to someone about it, I can walk over with you to the Counseling Center and help you set up a meeting. They even have drop-in consultation hours M-F from 10-11:30am and 1-3:30pm; no appointment needed.”

Know your resources

• There are many supportive resources on and off campus that can help students sort through their thoughts and feelings about their substance use and begin to make changes. Please review the additional resources below.